Clumsy Love

As we entered the New Year in January, I decided that I would start 2024 by re-reading Eugene Peterson’s classic book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction. If you haven’t read it, I would encourage you to find a copy. As a small sample, please allow me to share this paragraph with you:

“Every day I put love on the line. There is nothing I am less good at than love. I am far better in competition than in love. I am far better at responding to my instincts and ambitions to get ahead and make my mark than I am at figuring out how to love another. I am schooled and trained in acquisitive skills, in getting my own way. And yet I decide, every day, to set aside what I can do best and attempt what I do very clumsily—open myself to the frustrations and failures of loving, daring to believe that failing in love is better than succeeding in pride.” (A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, pages 76-77)

I’ve been thinking about this paragraph a lot recently, and I’m grateful that Eugene Peterson had the courage to admit his weakness in loving others. It makes it easier to admit that I, too, am very clumsy when it comes to loving those around me. I’m much better at recommending a book or offering advice than I am at reaching out in love. Because I don’t have the wisdom to know what another person needs in the moment. I don’t know what will bring comfort to someone’s heart, or what might open up hidden wounds. And sometimes I just plain don’t have the courage to risk engaging with another soul and being hurt in the process.

Yet, as Eugene says, I get up each day and try to set aside my self-centeredness and attempt to love. I think about how Jesus engaged with others during his time on earth—even the ones that were considered outcasts. And I pray that I will get better at loving those around me.

Because when it comes to loving others trying and failing is still more pleasing to God than success in my own selfish desires.